July 6, 2012

Saying NO 101

I've spoken about it many times as I go around speaking to women. The need for more of us to say 'NO' when asked to do something. The guilt seems to overwhelm us and we agree to do something that adds extra burden to our lives, family or even finances.

The Proposal Letter
Jason Wright
Author Jason Wright has written about his own personal 'Say No Coach'. Of course it happens to be his wife so it works out great. 

Who can be YOUR 'Say No Coach'? Your spouse? A good friend? Your children? Your parents? Your Fairy godmother? It really doesn't matter who it is, just find someone.

My heart goes out to those whose lives are full of caring for family members (whether it be physical or mental health reasons), those single mums who simply do it ALL in the first place, or even those who just can't cope with one more thing on your plate right now. It really is OK to say no to having bookclub over or making a meal for someone. Your turn will come when your time is more your own.

The need for women to help and be accommodating is inherent. Learn to say 'no'.

When I have said 'no', I always felt like I needed to give a reason why I had to turn them down. You can come up with all the reasons why you can not do whatever it is they are asking of you or you can simply say ‘no I can’t’. You don’t always need to give a reason. They don't need to know all the whys and wherefores.

Here’s some ways to say ‘no’:

No way Jose
It aint happenin'
Nix, nay, negatory, nuh-unh, nope!
Not even.
Don't even think about it
Ain't happ'nin'!
Nothing doing
nunh unh
I don't think so
not on your life
not a chance
no way
hell no
not in this life
not ever
not hardly
ain't gonna do it
nein - german
nyet - russian
non - french
nae – Scottish
I’m unavailable.
I’ll have to check with my family/fairy godmother/say no coach

Of course there is a flip side to this coin. One also needs to learn how to say 'YES'. When someone asks you 'is there anything I can do for you' or 'could you use some help with something', the answer should always be YES.

You will be asked many times in your life 'is there anything i/we can do to help?'. Most of the time those who ask really mean it and just don't know what it is they could do for you. Have a 'go to list' for those times. 

Hand them a pile of laundry to wash and fold

Fill up a laundry basket of dirty dishes for them to take home and wash

Point them in the direction of the windows…the bathroom or the vacuum cleaner

Give them a shopping list 

Point them to the weeds or the lawn mower

Tell them to take you out to lunch

Right now, make a mental note of two or three things you could have someone do for you if they ever ask 'is there something I can do to help'. Now you can answer 'YES' to that question.

Learning when to say yes and no can help keep the important things in life, the important things.

Have you figured out who your 'no coach' will be? Who is it?


JaneofAustralia said...

You left out No way Nellie!

Wendy said...

I also forgot:

You've got two chances. Buckley's and none.

I'm sure we can come up with even more. :)